The Adventures of Fred – The Exciting Conclusion

Filed Under:
The Adventures of Fred – The Exciting Conclusion
By Nick Jurkowski
The last time we saw our courageous champion, he was falling into a troubled sleep in his Miami hotel room. The limousine ride had been so fully effective in changing his feelings towards limos that upon arrival, he underwent a violent backlash at having been so easily swayed from his previous convictions, and he reaffirmed his original hatred of the vehicles.
Fred stirred from his slumber. As he opened his eyes, a figure appeared before him. The sight of him made Fred awake quickly, and he sat up on the bed.
Before him was a man with olive colored skin, perhaps in his late fifties or early sixties, dressed in a wool suit that was well made, but a bit warn and out of date. The man’s graying hair was neatly parted on the left side, and he had a well-trimmed mustache. His eyes floated slightly, so they appeared to be looking at either end of the room. It struck Fred immediately. “You’re the wall-eyed Turk! But why are you in my room?!” Fred exclaimed. The man looked slightly amused. “You know exactly why I’m here,” he drawled. “You must be in the wrong room,” Fred shot back. “I have no idea who you really are or why you’re here. All I know is that we met once, in a Laundromat – but that was 1000 miles away!” Fred was very worried now, and visibly shaken. He noticed that the only way out of the room was blocked by the intruder.
The Turk paid no mind to Fred’s questions, and asked him: “How was your limousine ride? I trust it met your high standards.”
“It…I…I hate limousines, but thank you for your hard work,” Fred stammered.
The Turk started to pace, laughing to himself. “Yes, yes…I’m, well acquainted with your prejudices. Tell me – you didn’t enjoy yourself at all?”
“That’s really none of your concern,” Said Fred. “For your information, I found it needlessly opulent. None of it was necessary. Now who sent you? Why are you here?”
“And was that how you felt as you reclined in the ample interior, playing Dynasty Warriors on the flat screen, listening to Andy Williams and drinking your Pinot Gris?”
“Shut UP, you fool!” cried Fred. “I really don’t know who you are or how you know all this, but I really must leave!”
Fred Shoved his way past the Turk, who was laughing at Fred’s desperate attempts to deny his newfound love of limousines, as well as his clumsy, scrambling escape. With the Turk’s laughter still ringing in his ears, Fred bounded down the stairwell, intent on finding someone – anyone – to aid him.
When he got to the lobby, it was deserted, and in his panic, Fred continued outside. He spied a police kiosk across the street, and tried desperately to cross. To his dismay, the street was completely choked with limousines – all full of revelers having the time of their lives.
“What is going on here?” Fred groaned. “They’re everywhere!” Fred shrieked for help as he ran up the street. As he rounded the corner, he crashed into a man, sending both of them flying to the ground. Fred collected himself and began to apologize.
“I’m so sorry. I just…need help.”
The other man rose from the ground, revealing himself as the Turk.
“You certainly do, Fred. It seems that everyone but you is having a good time. Wouldn’t you rather be in a limousine right now, with all your friends?”
“Get away from me!” Fred shouted as he ran the opposite way, back down the street.
In his heart, Fred knew that the Turk was right. He really enjoyed the limousine ride, and knew that his old prejudices were completely unjustified. Even so, he hardened his will, and denied his true feelings.
He ran back into the hotel, but it was somehow different. The walls were white and antiseptic, and gone was the comfortable lobby of the hotel, replaced with the impersonal desk and chairs of a hospital. The door slammed and locked behind him. Fred ran down the hall in a frenzy, entering a door at random.
He saw a beeping heart monitor, beside it was a man laid up in bed. Upon closer inspection, he realized that the man in the bed was himself. Terrified, Fred slunk into the corner. The heart monitor’s beeps increased with greater frequency. The monitor flat-lined, and Fred knew that he had witnessed his own death. Fred staggered out of the room, and into the path of the Turk.
“Why…?” croaked Fred.
“You are doing this to yourself,” Remarked the Turk coolly. “You know what you have to do.”
“You’re right, you’re right!” said Fred. “I do love limousines! I can’t deny it any more!”
Fred awoke at once. He was back in his hotel room, and the dream had left him soaked in a cold sweat. Relieved, he jumped out of bed and ran to the window. “I love limousines!” He cried, genuinely joyful. “This is a landmark day in the life of Fred Jeneric! From now on, things will change!”
Thus ends the tale of Fred, who, true to his word, enjoyed limousines from that day forward – for traveling, special occasions, and on all his upcoming wedding anniversaries (while in Miami, Fred met the woman who would later become Mrs. Fred Jeneric). All his life, Fred was happy for his ordeal, which taught him a valuable lesson: Limos are really cool.