The Adventures of Fred (Part 1)
By Nick Jurkowski
In spite of the inherent overwhelming coolness of limousines, there are still some detractors. For example, take the definitely-real-certainly-not-fictional case of Fred Jeneric.
Fred had always been against limousines. From the time of his birth, he believed they represented the worst facets of the corrupt and wasteful consumer culture that he had strived much of his life to avoid. He believed that limousines were a colossal waste of money, and weren’t that impressive anyway. He kept on believing it right up until a fateful balmy August evening in Miami.
Fred worked as a representative for a mattress manufacturer and retailer. Lately their sales had been falling, and as such, Fred embarked on a journey to find a consulting firm to remake their image and recoup lost sales. They settled on a small but plucky Miami-based firm, and sent Fred as a representative of the company. Now, Fred found himself in the Miami International Airport claiming his baggage and thinking of the days ahead. He was tired from his day of flying, and wanted desperately to get to his hotel (The Radisson Miami). The consulting firm, no doubt seeking to woo him with material rewards and gifts, had offered to arrange his hotel and transportation. Though his calculating mind was ordinarily immune to such coercion, Fred was completely unfamiliar with Miami, and so accepted, stipulating that they not be too extravagant with his accommodations. Fred clutched his venerable leather suitcase in his tired hands (he had been using this same suitcase since he was a boy, refusing to upgrade when his current model worked just fine) and sauntered to a booth to ask the attendant about finding a ride to his hotel.
Just before reaching the counter, he spied a gaunt man in a black uniform holding a white sign with Fred’s name written sleekly across. “Fred Jeneric,” Fred said. The chauffeur smiled and coolly asked that Fred follow him.
Fred was a little miffed that the consulting company had not consulted him in a specific way about his riding accommodations. Ever frugal, Fred abhorred wasted resources, and resented any attempts to buy him off. As he walked, he felt rage welling inside him the same rage that had cost him the affections of his one true love. Fred took a few deep breaths and attempted to forget the perceived slight against him, trying to lose himself in his mechanical steps as he followed his chauffeur.
Fred was led to a very large vehicle. By Fred’s estimation, it could hold at least dozen or more people. The vehicle was a Hummer….but it was a limousine! Such waste! The rage already welling inside him nearly burst to the surface. Were it not for his general fatigue and the quick realization that if he turned down the limo, he would have to find a different way to get to his hotel, Fred might have struck the driver with his defense baton for his presumptuousness. Resigned, Fred stepped into the Limousine.
The cushions were incredibly comfortable. In an instant, Fred felt his mood about this situation warm. The relaxing mood, the spacious interior, the stress of traveling lessened immensely in the few moments he’d been sitting in the limo. Fred attempted to steel his resolve in disapproving of the vehicle, and adopted a scowl as the chauffeur climbed in and pulled out of the parking garage. To be Continued….
The Adventures of Fred (Part 1)